Deadpool (R-Rated Review)

deadpool-movie-poster-20161

Cristian Pagu

Please use extreme caution or don’t. Like the film itself, the Deadpool Movie review is Rated-R, offensive and not for the faint of heart. Divert your delicate eyes kiddies because this is not safe for work or anything.

Let’s get this straight. The new Deadpool movie is aware of itself, breaks the fourth wall, but it’s not trying to reinvent the superhero movie genre. After what I witnessed last night, I’m thinking this film took a full swing at the superhero genre right in the fucking nuts and told it to “get with the program”. The way I see it (and by the way… I am going to see it again.. duuuh!) Deadpool has officially made a superhero movies line up, started masturbating in front of them with a stuffed unicorn in his other hand and then jizzed all over them while laughing and spitting on them.

I’m pretty sure that as we speak, meetings are being assembled with lots of executives acting nervous pushing for research to be done by writers and directors and focus groups trying to reverse engineer the formula that made Deadpool this rare giant ass unicorn of a movie, that when you actually catch a glimpse of you really are happy Hollywood, or in this case Fox can still cook-up a batch of crazy cinema like the one I was served last night.

Whilst sitting quiet in my chair, enjoying every dick joke and one-liners that hit my head so strong with laughter, I suddenly realize my face muscles have been working out double time for the entire duration of this film. The film targets the audience with a double barreled bazooka armed with unlimited meta humor rockets from which there is no escape. Which begs the question: how the fuck did they pull this off ? I mean, it’s like one brilliant joke after another. One reference after another. From movies to music to everything. And I mean everything.  And all of them are laugh out crazy loud funny that will make your brain pop with culture. Which is what I obviously did, laugh out crazy loud even when the rest of the audience didn’t catch the reference or some of the clever jokes pointed in a much needed direction.

The film sure as hell doesn’t come off brash or rash, hasty or impetous. On the contrary, the whole thing feels like an adrenaline shot to the testicles, energetic, highly spirited, riveting. Ryan Reynolds has put on some superhero costumes before but none of them fit him like the Deadpool costume does. Deep down, deep deep down, it turns out Deadpool is an awwdorable love story between two fucked up people with cute fucked up chemistry, but quickly strips down naked and gets into position, where the revenge part is quietly waiting to penetrate the story HARD. R-Rated hard. It’s downright one of the bloodiest and most enjoyable films about an agent of chaos who releases his inner goofiness and the meticulously  polished persona of one fucked up psychopath. And the girl loves him for it. Two times supeeer cute!

Besides his super athletic and healing capabilities, that Deadpool character has got some mouth on him. His machine gun like peculiar, nasty and extremely dirty vocabulary enables his third super ability of pissing off his adversaries to a pulp meltdown. The merc with a mouth is what they call him, and frankly, I never would’ve thought they would actually make it work. That motherfucker is indeed really hard to look at. He really does look like an older avocado hate fucked a normal avocado.

Free from the shackles of a PG-13 rating, after last year’s Mad Max: Furiosa Road, Deadpool proves yet again that the fear of the studios leads to the dark side. So “fuck it:, they said. You either do or do not. There is no try here with Deadpool. The film DOES it, NAILS it and succeeds where many lame ass PG-13 superhero outings have been futile in their attempt to sell comic book anti-heroes. Even if you haven’t crossed paths with the Deadpool comics, or the character doesn’t ring any visual bells, it’s ok, the violence, the gore and the odd (that’s an understatement) sense of humor bring about a fresh and bold new take on the chaotic but high definition action-comedy genre that will most definitely break your funny bones and admit you into humor hospital for a prolonged stay.

The Deadpool movie has been in development hell, on and off for 11 years now. But two years ago, the story went unstable, it collapsed and then exploded, scattering its enriched guts across the big screen, guts made of violence, gore, guns and laughter and all the fundamental ingredients for a great R-Rated film with a price tag of only 50 million dollars. These so called cheap ingredients became part of cinematic gas cloud that condensed, collapsed and farted the next generation of R-Rated superhero films. I can easily picture Deadpool holding and squeezing his dick saying: “Your move Suicide Squad!”

If you don’t like the movie or better yet feel insulted by it then you can go fuck yourself. Ouchie! Don’t take it personal. Deadpool knows what I’m talking about. Actually he made me say it. Or did he ?

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